Fighting to Stay Positive in a Gross Universe, Part One

The blue line is the neglected child, given no education or attention, he starts doing drugs and being an asshole at an uncomfortably early age. By the time he's in high school, it's pretty much a lost cause. Could we have helped this outcome? Could better maintenance and faster schedules have prevented this mess? Maybe. But now, it's too late, and he's probably going to end up in prison.

Last night, coming back from a show which had a fair share of terrible drunk human beings...

[EXAMPLE = Me,trying to get a suggestion: Okay, great, so what's something else that doesn't smell very good?
Audience member: AIDS!]

So, coming back from that show, Brian and I are on the blue line. The Bruins game just got out, and apparently it was awful. There are a lot of dejected fans piling on to the train. We get in early and get seats. Then, right before the doors are about to close a blind man with a dog and a blind woman walk on. He leads her over to where the handicapped priority seats are. They are occupied by two large, white men in bruins regalia. The men look up at the blind couple and then look back down, continuing to be complete wastes of flesh, and absolutely not moving. So, OBVIOUSLY, I got up, tapped the blind man on the shoulder and directed them to the seats Brian and I had been sitting in. Because that is simply WHAT HUMAN BEINGS DO.


Not only did the cumbersome wastes of life not move, no one else did. Maybe I sprinted to help and didn't give anyone else a chance but truly, no one else looked like they were budging. These were clearly blind people! Dog toting, blind people.

Brian and I stood in front of waste #1 and waste #2 the rest of the ride and I fantasized about screaming in their faces. I did not do this because they were big and drunk and wouldn't have hit me, but Brian, if they got upset.



In one especially hilarious moment, waste #2 turned to waste #1 at Aquarium station and said, squinting his useless, slimy eyes, "smells like fish. huh. huh huh..."

And from their engaging conversation I gleaned that they were headed to...wait for it...Revere. God in heaven.

The cheesy bread from Dominos made everything a little better upon our return home, but I was fuming. I still am! North Shore, why are you this way?! Why!? Who didn't love you enough?!

Okay, so. That was Thursday. Today is Friday.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. And whatever you do, especially if you are at an Improv show or on the train, don't be a douche bag. Because you'll go to hell and have to hang out with a lot of Bruins fans.

Love,
Erin