"You're Crazy"

As some of you who actually read this blog may remember, I was writing a book. I mean, I still am writing a book, things just seem kind of paused for the Summer. I submitted the first twenty five pages or so to the Breadloaf Writer's Conference just for giggles -- I was actually late in submitting it, but they took it anyway. I kind of just wanted somebody else to read it I think, no fee involved, so what the hell. They wrote me a very kind rejection letter stating that my work "scored very highly with the judges" and that I would be put on a priority waiting list if anyone dropped out. I'm actually pretty happy with that! Being wait-listed is that half step up from rejection that makes all the difference. I don't think I'd actually be able to go or anything, but fun anyway!

I think that I kind of have an issue with big goals. I'm always making them. It seems like I can't be contented unless there's something tremendous that I'm trying to do. These are the big goals on the burner right now:

* Novel
* Fitness overhaul
* Creating a two person show with a particular fun lady
* Getting my act together and figuring out whether Chicago/LA is in the future and if so - when and how (I'll be turning 94 soon, and it might be time to get cracking).

The danger with multiple big goals is that you can't do everything at once. The following is a true story.

Kurt Vonnegut and I spent the same semester at Smith College, that lauded all girl institution where there is absolutely no lesbian sexual tension. I don't know if it was the weirdo "I'm a male" vibes that he gave out or what, but no one went to see him during his office hours. Yup, that's right. Kurt Vonnegut had open office hours at Smith and hardly anyone knocked on his office door.

I didn't have anything good to show him, but I felt like everyone back at Emerson would literally never speak to me again if they knew that I didn't' take advantage of the situation. So I mocked up some mediocre fiction and went to visit the man. He was old and smokey and smart, and just as tired of Northampton and Smith as I was. We only chatted about my writing for a little while (he advised me to kill a main character, which would have been smart since the piece was sentimental and pretty gross). But we mainly talked about just...stuff. He asked me why I had left Emerson and I told him how I wanted more academics, then he asked me how I liked Smith and I told him that I wanted more creativity, and this is how the conversation went on. He paused for a moment and finally looked up at me and said, "You're crazy."

Okay. Hm?

"You want to do everything all at one time and it's impossible. You can't. No one can. You've got to make up your mind about what you want to do first and then do it. Then when you're done you can do the next thing."

He also said, "Go back to Emerson. No. Run. Run as fast as your legs can take you."

And before I left, "Be good. Don't talk to strangers."

We only met two or three times, but that was probably one of the coolest things that has ever happened to me. He was a really wise, funny man, with a fair share of sadness and troubles. Maybe that's why all the smoking.

So, today, as I remain overwhelmed with my different wants and goals, I try to remember Mr. Vonnegut and that I'm crazy to try to do everything all at once. One at a time. Go easy, take a breath and conquer the world by taking tiny steps.