Unemployed in Greenland: A Serious Coors Light Rant

First of all, I sat down on the Green Line today in what smelled like an Italian Sub. There was no actual deli sandwich, just the sure footed smell of meat, cheese and oil. I used to blog a lot about public transportation because that's what is usually on my mind when I get in the office. I've tried to move away from that for fear of being too mundane, but today I share.

This morning as we were driving to the station Brian and I heard a Coors Light commercial. Something about "code blue". Cool guys being dudes apparently call and text each other at 5pm once they reach a watering hole to communicate the message "code blue" (translation: I'm about to drink a Coors Light and it's so cold that the label has turned blue. You better get here and drink with me. Maybe we'll make out a little bit later.) Very cool. One part of the commercial is a girlfriend character who laments, "We were shopping and he got a call and just left. What could be more important than shopping???".

At that point Brian turned to me and said, "Coors Light makes women look like idiots." Yes. Yes. Yes. It's something that I've always kind of just noted and forgotten about, but it's really rampant in all of their advertising. You can tell that their demographic is the WBCN in sports coats type. I mean, everybody makes fun of these people -- including themselves, I believe, but Coors Light still manufactures these retarded commercials to appeal to the "dude."

Have you heard the spot where the guys are gathered in order to "vent"? See..it's this brilliant play on words wherein "venting" to women means emotional output (usually associated with being sooooo on the rag), and "venting" to these guys means cracking open an ice cold Coors Light. Oh man, do they raise satire to a new high. You can actually hear the douche juice drip from their voices as they wink wink "vent" and say "my wife actually encourages me to...(wait for it, voice is heavy with thinly masked hilarity)....open up!!" [sound of beer opening].

What the fuck? The thing that's dumb enough to think these ads are funny died in his mother's womb. His mother was a one eyed German Shepherd with dementia.

Note to anyone still making comedy, or creating advertising copy based on the Todd Packer (American Office) character should know that Todd Packer isn't a real person. And actually, they're not making females look like idiots, they're making men look like idiots by the assumption than anyone that has skill enough to realize that pants go on legs think it's funny or cute. It's just dumb. So dumb. Heartbreakingly dumb.