Anatomy of an Obsession

I'm coming to grips with a strange, possibly unhealthy obsession that I've been in the process of developing over the last year. I can't stop watching "real life" paranormal shows. Last night was a relatively rare night off. In the best case scenario that means that I'm indulging in 94% fat free microwave popcorn (thanks for ruining my life, weight watchers), and watching a)Anthony Bourdain do anything b)Masterpiece Theatre or c)Some real life ghost show that will prevent me from sleeping for a week.

In order of my personal preference they are
1. Paranormal State


2. Most Haunted (only really found On Demand - Travel Channel)


3. Ghost Hunters International


4. Ghost Hunters


I scour the cable listings to see if one of these beauties might be on. I check On Demand every other day to see if there are any new episodes of Most Haunted that I haven't seen yet. And when I find one, I sit, petrified, until it's over. Then I look for another one.

I once received an email from Ryan of "Paranormal State" fame, and I nearly shat. I felt like I had received correspondence from Justin Timberlake or Margaret Thatcher or something.

I don't know what it is about these shows that I find so fascinating and addictive. I just want to see a damn chair move by itself, or some team member freak the hell out, or perhaps medium Chip Coffey say something sassy and psychic. He is both sassy and psychic, by the way.

And then I go to bed. And if at 2am I have to pee...no way. I'm to scared to even move because I keep thinking about that 16th century chambermaid with blood on her apron screaming to be saved from the other side. I know she's probably not in my bath tub, but I'm not taking a chance.

Unhealthy, I told you, I know. But I love it. I want to hang out with the ghost hunters, even the douchey tech-guy ones.

So that's something about me you maybe didn't know. Also, I've been eating "Lays Light" chips every day with lunch. They're only 1pt on Weight Watchers, but I'm pretty sure olestra can kill you, right? So, if I don't get attacked by a wayward spirit, I'll surely be killed by the fake chips. I'm in great shape guys, nobody worry.

Boo!,
Erin

The Very Nice Upside

In the re-reading that last post seems terrifically dour, and it's actually quite a good day. So an update.

I took a walk at lunch -- something I haven't done in a very long time -- because it's actually perfect outside. I mean it. If every single day could be like this day climate-wise, I'd be the happiest Bostonian in the world. The Public Gardens were filled with lots of braided little girls, tiny roving tribes of rich people's dogs being walked by not so rich people, awesome fat baby with fat baby faces, and a decided lack of crazies. A really nice walk.

Also, Winky Cucumberpants was too busy to sexually harass me at Subway today, so that rocked too.



Late summer!
xo
Erin

The Hallmark Cat and Me

This is my favorite coffee mug at work.



It reads, "I'm only doing this job to keep myself busy between films."

Some days my coffee tastes like regret and self loathing.

Also,

And on an unrelated note: We're in full swing production for our new Improv Asylum show and we had a long, very productive rehearsal last night. Some of the sketches people are coming up with are really hilarious, and I can't wait until we put the final product together. It should be a fun show.
Fun!

Daily Degradation c/o Subway

Time: Lunch
Location:



Morbidly obese employee possibly of Latin American descent with pubescent moustache and gap tooth: What you want?

Me: Lettuce, tomato, cucumber....

Morbidly obese employee possibly of Latin American descent with pubescent moustache and gap tooth: You want cucumber?

[He fiddles his tightly gloved fingers in the cucumber cubby]

Me: Yes. Please.

Morbidly obese employee possibly of Latin American descent with pubescent moustache and gap tooth: You want cucumber?

[He looks at me and licks pubescent moustache]

Me: Yes.

Morbidly obese employee possibly of Latin American descent with pubescent moustache and gap tooth: You want cucumber?

[He makes twitch winky face at me. I look back at the seven thousand and fifteen people behind me. They're thrilled.]

Me: Yes! Yes I want cucumber!

Morbidly obese employee possibly of Latin American descent with pubescent moustache and gap tooth: Haha okay.


Whatever. I ate the shit out of that sandwich.

Two Boys One Bench

I Love 1994.

Yesterday I woke up, did dishes for a half hour (it was a serious situation) and then dyed my hair. Big time. As a casual or devoted reader of this blog, you musn't under-estimate the obvious impact that My So-Called Life has had on my development. I mean, it makes a referential appearance in one out of four entries (math is fabricated). And in that vein, I have to tell you proudly that my hair is Angela Chase Red.

No one's mentioned anything at the office yet...I think it might be off-putting in a fluorescent light kind of way. I've had my hair this color once before, and I forgot how much I liked it.

Also, I've discovered Mad Men on AMC. Watch this show. It's as involving as everyone has told you it would be. Also, down 8lbs on WW! Hey-o.

Chicago in 6 days!!
love,
erin

A Serious Coors Light Rant

First of all, I sat down on the Green Line today in what smelled like an Italian Sub. There was no actual deli sandwich, just the sure footed smell of meat, cheese and oil. I used to blog a lot about public transportation because that's what is usually on my mind when I get in the office. I've tried to move away from that for fear of being too mundane, but today I share.

This morning as we were driving to the station Brian and I heard a Coors Light commercial. Something about "code blue". Cool guys being dudes apparently call and text each other at 5pm once they reach a watering hole to communicate the message "code blue" (translation: I'm about to drink a Coors Light and it's so cold that the label has turned blue. You better get here and drink with me. Maybe we'll make out a little bit later.) Very cool. One part of the commercial is a girlfriend character who laments, "We were shopping and he got a call and just left. What could be more important than shopping???".

At that point Brian turned to me and said, "Coors Light makes women look like idiots." Yes. Yes. Yes. It's something that I've always kind of just noted and forgotten about, but it's really rampant in all of their advertising. You can tell that their demographic is the WBCN in sports coats type. I mean, everybody makes fun of these people -- including themselves, I believe, but Coors Light still manufactures these retarded commercials to appeal to the "dude."

Have you heard the spot where the guys are gathered in order to "vent"? See..it's this brilliant play on words wherein "venting" to women means emotional output (usually associated with being sooooo on the rag), and "venting" to these guys means cracking open an ice cold Coors Light. Oh man, do they raise satire to a new high. You can actually hear the douche juice drip from their voices as they wink wink "vent" and say "my wife actually encourages me to...(wait for it, voice is heavy with thinly masked hilarity)....open up!!" [sound of beer opening].

What the fuck? The thing that's dumb enough to think these ads are funny died in his mother's womb. His mother was a one eyed German Shepherd with dementia.


Note to anyone still making comedy, or creating advertising copy based on the Todd Packer (American Office) character should know that Todd Packer isn't a real person. And actually, they're not making females look like idiots, they're making men look like idiots by the assumption than anyone that has skill enough to realize that pants go on legs think it's funny or cute. It's just dumb. So dumb. Heartbreakingly dumb.



Okay...see you Monday!!
Love,
erin